Are Those Flesh Colored Pants?

We had 8 days of no power after the hurricane, which isn’t as horrible as it sounds, but I guess maybe my next door neighbor got bored or something because he took it into his head to put on a little unwanted show for me while I was on my trampoline.

I’m not the kind of chick that gets thrown into a tizzy at the mere sight of a nude man, but there was definitely some creeper element to this situation. Trampoline time is sacred to me, it’s where I get my exercise and work out problems. It affords me the best view of my property and gives me the opportunity to monitor progress from an aerial advantage, so I was deeply annoyed at having this precious position compromised. My first thought was to move it to another location, but that is kind of impossible because it’s enormous, and I almost entirely forgot that I had it installed in place for just that reason, so lifting it anywhere was out. Screening seemed like a better idea, but I kind of hate manufactured fencing and I really didn’t want to spend money because someone else was being a dick. Or showing a dick. Whatever.

Instead I noticed that there was a small copse of trees that arced around it and thought, “why don’t I just build that up a bit?”, seemed like a workable (and free) solution. I strung some plastic cording between two trees at three levels and stood long, narrow, scavenged branches against it, then used nylon twine to bind them in an easy weave. Now wouldja look at that, a 10 foot tall fence that blends in with the natural landscape!

During the parts where the support trees were a little further apart I added some extra durability by making a chain out of the cording, in this case speaker wire was chosen for the flexibility, the plastic coating, and the ability to hold a knot.


Once the initial structure is finished I plan on going back and staggering a second layer across the front of fill in the gaps and cover all the ugly wires. Hopefully my neighbor can keep his pants on in the meantime.


7 Responses to “Are Those Flesh Colored Pants?”

  1. Hilarious and brilliant solution! I love this.

  2. laelia e. mitchell Says:

    hilarious and deeply disturbing.

  3. Toni Tiller Says:

    necessity is the mother of fencing. 🙂

  4. don’t take offense, build a fence! ;p

  5. Very nice! You see this technique used around Taos and Santa Fe too. My ex initiated fence building along out front boundary for the same reason. The 84 y-o ex-race horse jockey/retired road-grader for the county would ask questions about stuff she tought he would have had no knowledge about if he had not the use of some kind of binoculars or something. And so…we made a random-topped fence out of aspen pole that we diligently sealed with a stain before attaching them to rails. It was my job to dig the holes and set posts, custom-peeled Ponderosa about 8 feet tall into concrete with re-bar anchors crossing underneath. The oddball thing, besides her insistence on using expensive stainless steel screws, was that we could not get them up on the mountain nearby where we lived. Instead we made a trip down to Olquin’s north of Taos and bought a trailerload of them, about 500 poles, already peeled. We spent $3 a piece. I don’t know if that fence still stands. It might still. It’s a mile south of where I live now. Sometimes in retrospect I imagine that I knew what she wanted while we worked on projects such as these. I enjoyed the travel. Did not complain about the immediacy, expense, and the absolute irrationality of not getting aspen poles closer when hey were – I knew – just falling all over each other twelve miles away. Later she would complain that I loved the place more than her. Actually, I did not know what else to do when she was impossible to be around but work on the place. I suspected she was entering “the change”. It was half her fault driving me towards improving our place. I wasn’t going to go down the hill and find other things, or people to accept what I had to give. Your fence takes me back there though.

  6. I should have added to this rambling comment that this was over ten years ago when I was happily married to someone who wasn’t and hid it very well.

  7. Great answer to a kooky problem. Kind of a kooky (as in different, strange, original) answer I guess, which is what makes it great.

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